It’s something so rare around our house. Precious - more than gold for me.
I'm able to take a mental look and see the progress.
I’m able to hear all my concerns flowing in my heart.
And of all things - In the back of my mind - Chris Daughtry and Vince Gill - singing ‘ Tennessee Line ‘ and it gives me ‘ goose bumps ‘ that make me smile. And my eyes well up.
“ Looking into the rearview as the roads fade away - I’ve sworn off my past - First to last bad call that I ever made - Tell me how to make right - Every wrong turn that I’ve learned - So this can all end tonight - Tennessee line just changed my - Well it’s my heart I’ll follow this time. “
We only get a one-time ride in this life.
After years of entanglement - how sad it is - when one looks back for one last time to - finally - say ‘ good-bye ‘ to the losses of better things one was meant to have - deserved to have - that were robbed from them.
How sad it is - when one has reached a fork in the road of their own journey - being forced to split their heart into two halves - leaving one to crawl across the shard down one path - the other to roll down the smooth asphalt of the other path - after choosing to take back control of one’s life - and go in the direction best - for experiencing peace in their life - finally - in the present.
Years - no wait. Decades of entanglement - while waiting for others to do the right thing. One reaches a point where one must accept - that wish will never happen.
To move on in one’s life - with peace - comes with sacrifice - even then. When the wish takes two - and you are only one.
In all honesty - History shows the wish has been only yours - for decades. Many times - you came to call. Many times - nobody would answer. They were too busy. You were confused. Life only goes - their way.
When the wish has choked one all those years - until one finally screams out - ‘ Enough ! ‘ And even then one is forced to face one final stabbing in one’s heart - when one’s choice of traveling down the smooth road for peace in one’s life means - one is left with no other choice but to leave others behind - because of choices they made for themselves.
And all one can do is wonder if any of those will ever go back and find that same fork in the road - choose to change paths and catch up with you.
And History says - " It would have happened long ago - if it were ever going to happen. "
Still - in the meantime - one moves forward with only a mere question about one‘s past. Will anyone come - carrying the other half of one’s heart - ready to heal?
A dry snicker fills the quiet.
" It was always only the other way around. You were confused. Life only goes their way. "
Somehow - it’s much easier to accept - that will never happen.
And that's not okay.
But - I am. And I will be.
** Thank you -sooo very, very much for this song, Chris.
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3 comments:
Thanks for the heartfelt post. Looking to the future, and dealing with the present, while still feeling pain from the past is not always an easy thing to do. Not sure what your life story has been, but you are right. Sometimes, you have to move on. It's all you can do.
So many of us can relate to your post. Thank you for sharing it.
I am looking forward to fall when I can catch up with you on a regular basis.
Until then............hugs to you!
Tammy
It can be hard to move on from certain things, but life seems to go on and eventually if we trust him, God helps us to move on with it, and live again, even if we have to leave pieces of our heart behind to do so. I'm thankful he is helping you, as painful as it is. Hang in there, with whatever you are dealing with. You are loved.
Hugs,
Deb
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