I have no photos today. Sometimes - there are those days when one can only think - “ Who needs pictures? “
February seems to be a really bad month for my heart. Sadly - the numbers are climbing in the “ Loss of those who mean a lot “ category for the month of February. Even I find that kinda strange - considering the fact that it’s the month carrying a day when we all celebrate love - Valentine’s Day. My dad ( Marty ) died on February 23, 1980. My half-sister - Barbara - died on February 20, 2007.
But then again - sadness or happiness - they are loved. Maybe there's a mere twist in the celebration intended for me in these cases.
On February 9, 2009 - One more was added. Although he was not family - he was a man I admired and enjoyed getting to know - and learning from - for a few years.
To this world’s sense of loss - Captain Phil Harris of the Fishing Vessel “ Cornelia Marie “ made a trip over to the other side - where I hope and pray God sets him to sail joyful seas. Many will always remember him as a driving force on the Discovery Channel’s show “ Deadliest Catch “. But there are two particular people left behind that will always carry him in their hearts as their - Dad. And that three letter word will - forever - bring a wave of tears from an uncontrollable storm of memories that will roar from their hearts - for the rest of their lives. I know. Because - I’ve been there.
This man gave personal reason to me - for watching “ Deadliest Catch “. Yes - the show was a little more interesting because of Phil. But all the guys - each and every one of those guys with the guts to embark on such adventure that thrusts challenges like in the blink of an eye and with the size of a giant monster - they all make the show!
Phil had a personality - a disposition - a way of carrying himself in public and with his kids that reminded me so much of - my dad.
Oh, there are a few slight differences - Jake and Josh were lucky enough to get away with a lot more than me. But then - they were blessed with becoming adults for a while - before losing their dad. And then there are the differences in employment. Phil meandered around the sea - fishing. My dad meandered all around the country - with a welding stinger - starched denims - and a welding cap - worn backwards just as much as forwards. But - both were good at what they did! And that artery of their survival and ability to take care of their families always sat on the top of their list - and was always taken seriously - when it counted most.
For me - most likely - I will always remember exactly where I was standing and what I was doing at the very moment when I first heard the news of Phil‘s passing. I stood in my bedroom - dressing for the day - listening to the Today Show on NBC when the news tease came before a commercial. Dwayne and I were preparing to take Zucker and Carlie to the Vet.
No name was even mentioned in the tease. But already - I knew exactly who they were talking about. And I felt my heart just fall out and clang on the floor. Holding back tears and struggling to check all my emotions - I was disturbed by a sense of anger that came over me - anger towards Phil.
He knew better. He was warned. He knew that he had a situation from family genetics that had passed to him. Already - he’d been handed doctor’s orders to disembark from a season on the Cornelia Marie. The objective was rest - time for healing.
But it just wasn’t enough to keep his stubborn streak in check. He chose to drive himself crazy on land - making appearances all over the country. Seemed like only once in a while - I’d get to hear of a day or so when he was going home and enjoying a nice ride - on his bike. I could take a deep breath and smile. And I would send him notes through his email on MySpace to encourage him - hoping he would enjoy one ride enough to make time for more of them. But - noooooo…. He just couldn’t sit still. And it angered me - the fact that this intelligent man would not fight death - not even for the sake of so many that had come to know him - more importantly - for Jake and Josh.
But I continued to register all my emotions - while waiting for the complete newscast report. All those emotions included understanding. As always - I fought for my sense of understanding to win - until it won.
For Phil Harris to fight death would be wasting life.
And as much as it hurts to love and/or care for someone - enough to feel selfishness attempt abortion of love - is to discover one’s true measurement of love and or caring for that other person. And comes a moment of time in that instant to choose - our selfishness - or - our love.
It will take time for the sadness and pain to diminish. It will never go away. But the best healing comes from what one does with time for purpose of a goal - being able to live with a smile on our face from carrying our lost loved ones in our hearts.
I hope and pray for God to send angels for carrying Jake and Josh - give them comfort and all else they need for getting over to the other side of this tragic loss - until they can live with a smile on their face from carrying their dad in their hearts. I pray for God to instill in their hearts - a yearning to make choices for their lives in ways that would leave their dad feeling so proud of them.
Most importantly - I pray that they come to understand what their dad would - most likely - say to them right now - if he could.
“ Guys - go out and live. Don’t waste your life. Go out and live. Live - not with the same stubbornness and choices I made. But - make other choices that will allow you to live longer. Make your life a much longer and nicer ride - much more than what I wish I had chosen for myself. Give me smiles and let me feel so proud of my boys! “
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Thursday, February 11, 2010
Honoring Capt. Phil Harris
I have no photos today. Sometimes - there are those days when one can only think - “ Who needs pictures? “
February seems to be a really bad month for my heart. Sadly - the numbers are climbing in the “ Loss of those who mean a lot “ category for the month of February. Even I find that kinda strange - considering the fact that it’s the month carrying a day when we all celebrate love - Valentine’s Day. My dad ( Marty ) died on February 23, 1980. My half-sister - Barbara - died on February 20, 2007.
But then again - sadness or happiness - they are loved. Maybe there's a mere twist in the celebration intended for me in these cases.
On February 9, 2009 - One more was added. Although he was not family - he was a man I admired and enjoyed getting to know - and learning from - for a few years.
To this world’s sense of loss - Captain Phil Harris of the Fishing Vessel “ Cornelia Marie “ made a trip over to the other side - where I hope and pray God sets him to sail joyful seas. Many will always remember him as a driving force on the Discovery Channel’s show “ Deadliest Catch “. But there are two particular people left behind that will always carry him in their hearts as their - Dad. And that three letter word will - forever - bring a wave of tears from an uncontrollable storm of memories that will roar from their hearts - for the rest of their lives. I know. Because - I’ve been there.
This man gave personal reason to me - for watching “ Deadliest Catch “. Yes - the show was a little more interesting because of Phil. But all the guys - each and every one of those guys with the guts to embark on such adventure that thrusts challenges like in the blink of an eye and with the size of a giant monster - they all make the show!
Phil had a personality - a disposition - a way of carrying himself in public and with his kids that reminded me so much of - my dad.
Oh, there are a few slight differences - Jake and Josh were lucky enough to get away with a lot more than me. But then - they were blessed with becoming adults for a while - before losing their dad. And then there are the differences in employment. Phil meandered around the sea - fishing. My dad meandered all around the country - with a welding stinger - starched denims - and a welding cap - worn backwards just as much as forwards. But - both were good at what they did! And that artery of their survival and ability to take care of their families always sat on the top of their list - and was always taken seriously - when it counted most.
For me - most likely - I will always remember exactly where I was standing and what I was doing at the very moment when I first heard the news of Phil‘s passing. I stood in my bedroom - dressing for the day - listening to the Today Show on NBC when the news tease came before a commercial. Dwayne and I were preparing to take Zucker and Carlie to the Vet.
No name was even mentioned in the tease. But already - I knew exactly who they were talking about. And I felt my heart just fall out and clang on the floor. Holding back tears and struggling to check all my emotions - I was disturbed by a sense of anger that came over me - anger towards Phil.
He knew better. He was warned. He knew that he had a situation from family genetics that had passed to him. Already - he’d been handed doctor’s orders to disembark from a season on the Cornelia Marie. The objective was rest - time for healing.
But it just wasn’t enough to keep his stubborn streak in check. He chose to drive himself crazy on land - making appearances all over the country. Seemed like only once in a while - I’d get to hear of a day or so when he was going home and enjoying a nice ride - on his bike. I could take a deep breath and smile. And I would send him notes through his email on MySpace to encourage him - hoping he would enjoy one ride enough to make time for more of them. But - noooooo…. He just couldn’t sit still. And it angered me - the fact that this intelligent man would not fight death - not even for the sake of so many that had come to know him - more importantly - for Jake and Josh.
But I continued to register all my emotions - while waiting for the complete newscast report. All those emotions included understanding. As always - I fought for my sense of understanding to win - until it won.
For Phil Harris to fight death would be wasting life.
And as much as it hurts to love and/or care for someone - enough to feel selfishness attempt abortion of love - is to discover one’s true measurement of love and or caring for that other person. And comes a moment of time in that instant to choose - our selfishness - or - our love.
It will take time for the sadness and pain to diminish. It will never go away. But the best healing comes from what one does with time for purpose of a goal - being able to live with a smile on our face from carrying our lost loved ones in our hearts.
I hope and pray for God to send angels for carrying Jake and Josh - give them comfort and all else they need for getting over to the other side of this tragic loss - until they can live with a smile on their face from carrying their dad in their hearts. I pray for God to instill in their hearts - a yearning to make choices for their lives in ways that would leave their dad feeling so proud of them.
Most importantly - I pray that they come to understand what their dad would - most likely - say to them right now - if he could.
“ Guys - go out and live. Don’t waste your life. Go out and live. Live - not with the same stubbornness and choices I made. But - make other choices that will allow you to live longer. Make your life a much longer and nicer ride - much more than what I wish I had chosen for myself. Give me smiles and let me feel so proud of my boys! “
February seems to be a really bad month for my heart. Sadly - the numbers are climbing in the “ Loss of those who mean a lot “ category for the month of February. Even I find that kinda strange - considering the fact that it’s the month carrying a day when we all celebrate love - Valentine’s Day. My dad ( Marty ) died on February 23, 1980. My half-sister - Barbara - died on February 20, 2007.
But then again - sadness or happiness - they are loved. Maybe there's a mere twist in the celebration intended for me in these cases.
On February 9, 2009 - One more was added. Although he was not family - he was a man I admired and enjoyed getting to know - and learning from - for a few years.
To this world’s sense of loss - Captain Phil Harris of the Fishing Vessel “ Cornelia Marie “ made a trip over to the other side - where I hope and pray God sets him to sail joyful seas. Many will always remember him as a driving force on the Discovery Channel’s show “ Deadliest Catch “. But there are two particular people left behind that will always carry him in their hearts as their - Dad. And that three letter word will - forever - bring a wave of tears from an uncontrollable storm of memories that will roar from their hearts - for the rest of their lives. I know. Because - I’ve been there.
This man gave personal reason to me - for watching “ Deadliest Catch “. Yes - the show was a little more interesting because of Phil. But all the guys - each and every one of those guys with the guts to embark on such adventure that thrusts challenges like in the blink of an eye and with the size of a giant monster - they all make the show!
Phil had a personality - a disposition - a way of carrying himself in public and with his kids that reminded me so much of - my dad.
Oh, there are a few slight differences - Jake and Josh were lucky enough to get away with a lot more than me. But then - they were blessed with becoming adults for a while - before losing their dad. And then there are the differences in employment. Phil meandered around the sea - fishing. My dad meandered all around the country - with a welding stinger - starched denims - and a welding cap - worn backwards just as much as forwards. But - both were good at what they did! And that artery of their survival and ability to take care of their families always sat on the top of their list - and was always taken seriously - when it counted most.
For me - most likely - I will always remember exactly where I was standing and what I was doing at the very moment when I first heard the news of Phil‘s passing. I stood in my bedroom - dressing for the day - listening to the Today Show on NBC when the news tease came before a commercial. Dwayne and I were preparing to take Zucker and Carlie to the Vet.
No name was even mentioned in the tease. But already - I knew exactly who they were talking about. And I felt my heart just fall out and clang on the floor. Holding back tears and struggling to check all my emotions - I was disturbed by a sense of anger that came over me - anger towards Phil.
He knew better. He was warned. He knew that he had a situation from family genetics that had passed to him. Already - he’d been handed doctor’s orders to disembark from a season on the Cornelia Marie. The objective was rest - time for healing.
But it just wasn’t enough to keep his stubborn streak in check. He chose to drive himself crazy on land - making appearances all over the country. Seemed like only once in a while - I’d get to hear of a day or so when he was going home and enjoying a nice ride - on his bike. I could take a deep breath and smile. And I would send him notes through his email on MySpace to encourage him - hoping he would enjoy one ride enough to make time for more of them. But - noooooo…. He just couldn’t sit still. And it angered me - the fact that this intelligent man would not fight death - not even for the sake of so many that had come to know him - more importantly - for Jake and Josh.
But I continued to register all my emotions - while waiting for the complete newscast report. All those emotions included understanding. As always - I fought for my sense of understanding to win - until it won.
For Phil Harris to fight death would be wasting life.
And as much as it hurts to love and/or care for someone - enough to feel selfishness attempt abortion of love - is to discover one’s true measurement of love and or caring for that other person. And comes a moment of time in that instant to choose - our selfishness - or - our love.
It will take time for the sadness and pain to diminish. It will never go away. But the best healing comes from what one does with time for purpose of a goal - being able to live with a smile on our face from carrying our lost loved ones in our hearts.
I hope and pray for God to send angels for carrying Jake and Josh - give them comfort and all else they need for getting over to the other side of this tragic loss - until they can live with a smile on their face from carrying their dad in their hearts. I pray for God to instill in their hearts - a yearning to make choices for their lives in ways that would leave their dad feeling so proud of them.
Most importantly - I pray that they come to understand what their dad would - most likely - say to them right now - if he could.
“ Guys - go out and live. Don’t waste your life. Go out and live. Live - not with the same stubbornness and choices I made. But - make other choices that will allow you to live longer. Make your life a much longer and nicer ride - much more than what I wish I had chosen for myself. Give me smiles and let me feel so proud of my boys! “
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