I just haven’t been doing too well for a while now. I’m not in a very good place. For a time - I couldn’t seem to put my finger on the problem. But I think I’m beginning to sort things out enough to rule out Depression.
If anything - Disappointment would be a much better description. And quite honestly - it sits beside the word Anger - hand in hand - in several matters.
I'm really angry with the way too many people have lost their focus on being the best they can be - at being caring people toward others.
I'm angry because God won't go ahead and allow the miracles to come for my friend - Monica - like... letting her just jump out of bed and enjoy having life back in her hands and feeling perfectly wonderful. God KNOWS she deserves that so much more than a LOT of other people in this world.
I'm disappointed in people not caring about what really matters in life - instead of caring about screwing over others.
They say it takes twenty-one days to break a habit. Well - I quit smoking on September 27, 2009 - two days before my 50th birthday. I’m now able to proudly claim I was smoke-free on my 50th birthday. I count myself blessed for that thought even crossing my mind. But all the other things going on haven’t really given any justice or fair opportunity to the twenty-one day claim in this case. I’m no longer on the Chantix. But that craving is still there.
And let Spite be the last thing lingering - to become the incentive I will use that will keep me from lighting up - ever again. I WILL win this one.
I’ve decided to quit fighting with coloring my hair. I've decided that it is MY hair. I'm the one that has to fight with the blow-dryer and the curling irons. I get to choose the new style.
I had to order my granddaughter's birthday present over the Internet and have it shipped directly to her. She's turning 2-years-old and lives in Texas. That hurts. It won't have any birthday wrapping paper on it when she gets it. It won't have one of those funny bows with - stuff - all around it - like I once was able to enjoy doing. Just like every day of her life since the day she was born - I won't be able to have a day with a moment when I look at her and just soak in the beauty of seeing her smile - or say something cute.
But - at the very least - I can be grateful that her mommy has the wonderful heart that SHE has - and has no problems with letting me be a grandma.
Dwayne and I have decided we’re just gonna go have a Turkey dinner at some restaurant in Knoxville on Saturday - after Thanksgiving. He has to work.
I’ve decided I’m not gonna dive into all the Holiday baking like I’ve been doing in the past.
We already gave up on trying to plant any spring bulbs or getting any fall clean-up done around the yard.
Maybe things will be better next year.
Maybe I’ll be able to tap in with folks who might appreciate what I CAN do. And it will help me accomplish what I wish I COULD do.
For now - at the very least - I can count on going to work on my farms at Facebook to help me get my mind off of wanting that cigarette.
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Monday, November 2, 2009
Cold and Dead... and Winter's Not Even Here, Yet
I just haven’t been doing too well for a while now. I’m not in a very good place. For a time - I couldn’t seem to put my finger on the problem. But I think I’m beginning to sort things out enough to rule out Depression.
If anything - Disappointment would be a much better description. And quite honestly - it sits beside the word Anger - hand in hand - in several matters.
I'm really angry with the way too many people have lost their focus on being the best they can be - at being caring people toward others.
I'm angry because God won't go ahead and allow the miracles to come for my friend - Monica - like... letting her just jump out of bed and enjoy having life back in her hands and feeling perfectly wonderful. God KNOWS she deserves that so much more than a LOT of other people in this world.
I'm disappointed in people not caring about what really matters in life - instead of caring about screwing over others.
They say it takes twenty-one days to break a habit. Well - I quit smoking on September 27, 2009 - two days before my 50th birthday. I’m now able to proudly claim I was smoke-free on my 50th birthday. I count myself blessed for that thought even crossing my mind. But all the other things going on haven’t really given any justice or fair opportunity to the twenty-one day claim in this case. I’m no longer on the Chantix. But that craving is still there.
And let Spite be the last thing lingering - to become the incentive I will use that will keep me from lighting up - ever again. I WILL win this one.
I’ve decided to quit fighting with coloring my hair. I've decided that it is MY hair. I'm the one that has to fight with the blow-dryer and the curling irons. I get to choose the new style.
I had to order my granddaughter's birthday present over the Internet and have it shipped directly to her. She's turning 2-years-old and lives in Texas. That hurts. It won't have any birthday wrapping paper on it when she gets it. It won't have one of those funny bows with - stuff - all around it - like I once was able to enjoy doing. Just like every day of her life since the day she was born - I won't be able to have a day with a moment when I look at her and just soak in the beauty of seeing her smile - or say something cute.
But - at the very least - I can be grateful that her mommy has the wonderful heart that SHE has - and has no problems with letting me be a grandma.
Dwayne and I have decided we’re just gonna go have a Turkey dinner at some restaurant in Knoxville on Saturday - after Thanksgiving. He has to work.
I’ve decided I’m not gonna dive into all the Holiday baking like I’ve been doing in the past.
We already gave up on trying to plant any spring bulbs or getting any fall clean-up done around the yard.
Maybe things will be better next year.
Maybe I’ll be able to tap in with folks who might appreciate what I CAN do. And it will help me accomplish what I wish I COULD do.
For now - at the very least - I can count on going to work on my farms at Facebook to help me get my mind off of wanting that cigarette.
If anything - Disappointment would be a much better description. And quite honestly - it sits beside the word Anger - hand in hand - in several matters.
I'm really angry with the way too many people have lost their focus on being the best they can be - at being caring people toward others.
I'm angry because God won't go ahead and allow the miracles to come for my friend - Monica - like... letting her just jump out of bed and enjoy having life back in her hands and feeling perfectly wonderful. God KNOWS she deserves that so much more than a LOT of other people in this world.
I'm disappointed in people not caring about what really matters in life - instead of caring about screwing over others.
They say it takes twenty-one days to break a habit. Well - I quit smoking on September 27, 2009 - two days before my 50th birthday. I’m now able to proudly claim I was smoke-free on my 50th birthday. I count myself blessed for that thought even crossing my mind. But all the other things going on haven’t really given any justice or fair opportunity to the twenty-one day claim in this case. I’m no longer on the Chantix. But that craving is still there.
And let Spite be the last thing lingering - to become the incentive I will use that will keep me from lighting up - ever again. I WILL win this one.
I’ve decided to quit fighting with coloring my hair. I've decided that it is MY hair. I'm the one that has to fight with the blow-dryer and the curling irons. I get to choose the new style.
I had to order my granddaughter's birthday present over the Internet and have it shipped directly to her. She's turning 2-years-old and lives in Texas. That hurts. It won't have any birthday wrapping paper on it when she gets it. It won't have one of those funny bows with - stuff - all around it - like I once was able to enjoy doing. Just like every day of her life since the day she was born - I won't be able to have a day with a moment when I look at her and just soak in the beauty of seeing her smile - or say something cute.
But - at the very least - I can be grateful that her mommy has the wonderful heart that SHE has - and has no problems with letting me be a grandma.
Dwayne and I have decided we’re just gonna go have a Turkey dinner at some restaurant in Knoxville on Saturday - after Thanksgiving. He has to work.
I’ve decided I’m not gonna dive into all the Holiday baking like I’ve been doing in the past.
We already gave up on trying to plant any spring bulbs or getting any fall clean-up done around the yard.
Maybe things will be better next year.
Maybe I’ll be able to tap in with folks who might appreciate what I CAN do. And it will help me accomplish what I wish I COULD do.
For now - at the very least - I can count on going to work on my farms at Facebook to help me get my mind off of wanting that cigarette.
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