It’s something so rare around our house. Precious - more than gold for me.
I'm able to take a mental look and see the progress.
I’m able to hear all my concerns flowing in my heart.
And of all things - In the back of my mind - Chris Daughtry and Vince Gill - singing ‘ Tennessee Line ‘ and it gives me ‘ goose bumps ‘ that make me smile. And my eyes well up.
“ Looking into the rearview as the roads fade away - I’ve sworn off my past - First to last bad call that I ever made - Tell me how to make right - Every wrong turn that I’ve learned - So this can all end tonight - Tennessee line just changed my - Well it’s my heart I’ll follow this time. “
We only get a one-time ride in this life.
After years of entanglement - how sad it is - when one looks back for one last time to - finally - say ‘ good-bye ‘ to the losses of better things one was meant to have - deserved to have - that were robbed from them.
How sad it is - when one has reached a fork in the road of their own journey - being forced to split their heart into two halves - leaving one to crawl across the shard down one path - the other to roll down the smooth asphalt of the other path - after choosing to take back control of one’s life - and go in the direction best - for experiencing peace in their life - finally - in the present.
Years - no wait. Decades of entanglement - while waiting for others to do the right thing. One reaches a point where one must accept - that wish will never happen.
To move on in one’s life - with peace - comes with sacrifice - even then. When the wish takes two - and you are only one.
In all honesty - History shows the wish has been only yours - for decades. Many times - you came to call. Many times - nobody would answer. They were too busy. You were confused. Life only goes - their way.
When the wish has choked one all those years - until one finally screams out - ‘ Enough ! ‘ And even then one is forced to face one final stabbing in one’s heart - when one’s choice of traveling down the smooth road for peace in one’s life means - one is left with no other choice but to leave others behind - because of choices they made for themselves.
And all one can do is wonder if any of those will ever go back and find that same fork in the road - choose to change paths and catch up with you.
And History says - " It would have happened long ago - if it were ever going to happen. "
Still - in the meantime - one moves forward with only a mere question about one‘s past. Will anyone come - carrying the other half of one’s heart - ready to heal?
A dry snicker fills the quiet.
" It was always only the other way around. You were confused. Life only goes their way. "
Somehow - it’s much easier to accept - that will never happen.
And that's not okay.
But - I am. And I will be.
** Thank you -sooo very, very much for this song, Chris.