If Not For My Gardening - I'd Always Have To Barter For Joy

It’s just not one of those good days, today. Once again – Dwayne goes back to work and – the only time I got to leave this house was to go to Wal-Mart. He needed to pick up his glasses. Might as well kill two birds with one stone. Needed to pick up more stuff for his lunches and the usual staples like bread and milk. Just looked at the clock. 9:44am and I am just now eating breakfast. Been up since 4am. Got his lunch ready. Got him off to work. My kitchen is spotless. My tomato plants have been fed. The dog has been fed and let out to do his daily business. Vacuuming is next. Picking beans follows that. Zucker needs his bath. Cleaning the refrigerator is the only different highlight of my day that I will see. Beyond that – more cleaning and cooking. And the truth of the matter is – my heart wants to initiate a full-frontal protest and move forward to nowhere beyond my butt resting on a chair. And I can’t even manage to do that. Dirty houses drive me nuts. And when I’m frustrated and angry – the only thing I’ve got for a savior in my life is – cleaning. If it weren’t for cleaning and my garden – what the hell would I do with myself? Nice weather is coming. Where do I get to go? Fishing. Dwayne likes to go fishing. Dwayne doesn’t like to go anywhere else. Teresa is beginning to hate fishing. Why do I get into gardening so much? It’s been the number one entity in my life that gives me something I need most of all. I can feel the return of its unconditional love when it comes back to me with a gift ten-fold in return for what I put into caring for it. Most of the time it’s more than I even hope for. And I don’t have to ask for it. That only makes me feel even more appreciated. I can walk out to my garden every day and find change – something new – something different. Even the bad events where something goes wrong with a plant is change – something different. I’m able to do something to fix it – exercising a genuine piece of my heart. And the unconditional love comes again – gratitude of a gift ten-fold in return. Only wants me wanna give more to caring for my garden. Dwayne helps me with the garden. He helps with the tilling and a few of the major projects that come up. It puts food on the table. It helps save money. He doesn’t have to do the canning or freezing. He doesn’t have to look after it on a daily basis. The help I get from him is bartered. It’s one of those things that’s practical and falls under the blanket of basic need and saving money. If you think he does it for pure joy – think again. There’s no hole anywhere in the garden – holding water – and fish. There are no huge numbers painted on the side fence of the garden. Bambi doesn’t come around – so there’s no need for a blind. And I’ll be damned if I’m gonna let HHH step foot inside. The conversation in the media over the death of Michael Jackson has been enough to drown a hump-back whale – twice. Stepping back to give overview to the big picture of all that’s been summed up about his life in a matter of a few days has proven one solid fact about humans and life. You can have all the money in the world. You can be the most famous. You can be the most talented. You can be surrounded by multitudes of people every minute of your day. And you can STILL be the loneliest person on this earth. If I could have one wish come true – I would wish I didn’t have to barter for joy coming only as compromise from means of necessity – and without having to ask for something. I’d be lost without my gardening in my life.