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Saturday, December 26, 2009

*Sigh...* What a Wonderful Day It Was!

If I had remembered to retrieve my charger from the guest bedroom last night - I could have shown you my breakfast for this morning.

It was sinful.  It was homemade pumpkin custard pie - with a pile of whipped cream - from the carton of heavy whipping cream - that I whipped myself.

And it was absolutely delicious!  Went very well with my coffee.

My defense - I never had to turn on one single stove burner.  I was being cost efficient!  Alright - go ahead and call me a tree-hugger.  If you must.

Actually - I’d rather save the power for the heaters in the house.  Baby - it’s cold outside!  Took Zucker out this morning to do his daily routine and found frost standing on top of frost!

I dunno - the ground was too cold?

Anyway - I also found the Cummins Diesel in our Dodge Ram 4x4 - ahem - not plugged into the outside receptacle.  Grrrrr………   The layer of ice and mud had that poor baby fitting in with any filthy dog ever found.  Time for the toy to be taken to the car wash!

Rewind back to Christmas Day.

Our dinner was just wonderful!  Very small and intimate.  We had baked Turkey Breast - Lima Beans - Ree’s recipe for twice-baked potatoes (minus the skins and tossed into a casserole dish) - my special recipe for Holiday Mashed Butternut Squash - homemade pumpkin custard pie - and 2007 Tennessee Red Muscadine wine from Tennessee Valley Winery!

Red wine - with turkey?

I love being a rebel when it comes to food.  I drink what I like!  I can do that.  I’m over the age of 40 - and I can do as I darn well please!

Friday, December 25, 2009

Look at My Gorgeous Christmas Present !!!

Good morning and Merry Christmas, everyone!

I just have to share photos of the Christmas present my husband made for me this year!!!

Now - he did not get to finish - yet.  But you'll see why in the photos!


 



My husband made my Mission-style Farm Table for our Dining Room!  He made this by hand - with reclaimed lumber - from our old tobacco barn that has been on our property and was built June, 1920.

The table as is - stands 5' long.  The two slots you see on the end of the table will hold two arms that will support a leaf.  This is done on both ends.  The table will extend out to 8' long with the two leafs.


Guess where the two leafs will be stored!


See the two pegs/handles on each end?  They slide toward the inside.  He carved them by hand.  They slide into the legs for securing that door... yes... it's a door!


The door falls down to expose this pocket under the table top - storage area for the two leafs!  How cool is that!


Isn't it gorgeous!

You cannot find solid oak lumber from trees cut fresh today that have all the incredible character embedded.  The worm knots - the burl - the natural cracks and crannies.  It's absolutely gorgeous!

By this morning the table was still waiting for drying before another coat of sealant goes on.  The two leafs will be made next.
After that - you should see the two Captain's Chairs and the four side chairs that Dwayne will be making to go with the set!

He was so upset because it wasn't ready for Christmas Day.  I told him - about a week ago - that it didn't matter if it took him another three months to make whatever it was that he was making me.  What mattered most was that he was making it with his own hands - and it was coming from a historical piece of this property that we now own.

He wanted it ready for this Christmas so we'd be able to enjoy our Christmas dinner on it this year.  LOL

I told him that the way I see things is - now he's got until next Christmas to make all the chairs so we can enjoy having dinner on it NEXT Christmas!

And maybe - just maybe - all those chairs will have a butt warming them up when dinner is served!



Thursday, December 24, 2009

Merry Christmas to Everyone!

So I go to get into my putt-putt yesterday. Had a few items to pick up at the grocery store. And then I needed to take that report to the Postmaster at our local Post Office.

I stop at the end of the driveway to check the mail. Guess what I find in the mailbox.



I’ll be taking it up to the Post Office on Monday - to open in front of the Postmaster - for a specific reason.

Their website tracking report shows it was delivered to our house on December 14th.

It’s stamped by the Loudon Post Office claiming to have arrived there on December 19th.

I find it in my mailbox on December 22nd.

Anyways - I’ll get to send it off to Gran-Girl and she’ll get to wear it - afterall!!

Dwayne and I are having a very quiet - intimate Christmas this year.

Well - minus all the constant noise coming through the floor from saws and electric nail guns keeping Dwayne busy down in the basement - making my Christmas present! I’m getting excited!

With no hoopla set with a bunch of company coming and such - we decided to go ahead and keep things simple. We put up the little tree this year.



Don’t get me wrong. I LOVE our big tree! But it can be a bit overwhelming - when there’s only one of you to get it decorated.



Instead - my time was freed up for making more treats for this year!

On behalf of Hubby - me - Zucker - and Spinner….

We want to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas day full of wonderful blessings!

We hope everyone will keep in mind…. The Reason for The Season!

Don’t forget… Sing the Happy Birthday song for Jesus!!!!

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

The Depths in the Planes of Love

My poor husband.  I love him so much.

He has spent almost every free moment down in the basement over the past week - building my Christmas present.  Most of the time - he hasn’t given up for the day until around midnight.

It takes hours to plane down one of those long boards - from an old 1920 tobacco barn.


Just when he begins feeling like he’s making progress - he grabs the wrong board - to cut in half.

To be here and witness his efforts throughout this entire process - is to know that just the thought of laughing at him would be totally cruel.

I have no doubt - even some of those male coworkers would get quiet for a while - prolly head out to the back porch - light up a cigarette - and wipe a tear away - as soon as they made sure nobody was looking.

I will - without a doubt - find a way to save that gorgeous piece of lumber.

I love him as much as he is showing his love to me right now - even more.

I refuse to let any of his efforts go down the drain in vain.  The hardest part will be - simply - trying to make up my mind.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Stolen from Grand-Girl... from Our Mailbox

I had to go visit our local Postmaster - yesterday.  I’m having to return a completed complaint form this afternoon.

Seems we have a little problem occurring in our area.  Somebody is stealing packages and other items on our mail route.

Breaks my heart.  I was a little excited over the idea of my yard varmint sending me pics of  Grand-girl wearing one particular - really cute - bright pink cardigan sweater.



This is the Radio Flyer Tricycle we sent Trinity this year for her birthday!  That shade of Pink looks cool on her - huh!

Glad we shipped it right to her house.

That little cardigan sweater was pink.  It was a pretty pink - and something “un-camo” that she could wear on a chilly day.  Daddy only buys Camo - John Deere - Ducks Unlimited!



I won it on eBay for her.  It was brand new - coming from Louisiana.



Yeah - I know.  Texas is right next door to Louisiana.  So - why buy a sweater and have it come all the way to Tennessee - just to send it all the way back to - Texas?

‘Cuz it was for Grand-Girl.  I don’t ever get to enjoy time with her.  We live so far away from each other.

It’s not about the price I paid for having something come to my house before sending it all the way back in the direction from whence it came - and then some.



I wanted to - at least - have some fun wrapping it up in pretty gift wrap - with ribbon and a bow - and putting it in the bigger box that I ended up having to send without it.

Visions of her little hands tearing into that ribbon and gift wrapping paper - stolen from me.

Pics of her wearing that sweater on a chilly day - stolen from me.

Something warm and cozy that Meemaw Treesie had held in her arms for a moment before wrapping it up  - which would travel all the way to Grand-Girl and carry a hug for her - to feel every time she would wear it….

Stolen from Grand-Girl.



Bet I know what would be on Daddy's mind if he were here when all this came down.

Same thing that's on PawPaw D-Wayne's mind....   ;)

Monday, December 21, 2009

Chocolate - Trains - and - Wine!

I haven’t gotten around to making Ree’s Mocha Brownies - yet.

To begin with - Dwayne’s already accusing me of trying to overdose him on chocolate.

But - I no sooner popped my previous posting here when Hubby decided it was time to remind me of a wish I had made.

I wanted to go to the Holiday Express at the University of Tennessee Gardens! And we were having a Saturday when Dwayne was actually home - for a change!!

I just LOVE huge rooms loaded with old - 1930’s atmosphere - in miniature action! Model trains and country settings! Draw bridges and covered bridges - waterfalls and creeks - shacks and houses - log mills and general stores - and Christmas lights that twinkle! We found Granny hiding and working - at her secret Moonshine Still! Oh - and I made sure to get a shot of that bar right near the Depot - with all the “Daisies” flirtin’ on the porch to tempt gents coming off the trains! And that train whistle - that was so cool!

What turned out to be not so cool - I had to take my Minolta 35mm film camera. My little Kodak digital was too ill to make the trip. And the rain kept us from being able to take a stroll through the gardens outside. Could have been our first winter stroll through one of my most favorite places in Knoxville!

I promise - pictures coming!

But it was way too soon to go home after all that fun. And we were hungry - of course. And we actually caved to one of our most sickening weaknesses - Popeye’s!

I do all I can to boycott every fast-food joint in this country anymore - for health, economic and employment reasons. But this joint was a recent discovery of ours that - just happens to be so close to our house! Well - okay - so - as far as we’re concerned - it’s close. And it takes both of us back home - in our hearts - back in the days when everything was legit and for most of all the right reasons.

Anyway - Dwayne’s reminder of it being Saturday was still lingering in my mind. And we were still on Hwy. 75. And it’s Christmas time. And - it was time to insist on one more stop before pulling into the driveway.

Tennessee Valley Winery.

Oh, gosh - yes! And we had fun! And we brought wine home - of course!

And I think I’ve found my new - favorite!

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Sniff... Sniff... Toasted Pecans!

Well… we didn’t get any snow at this house!  Not one single flake.

But you should see what all the rain has done around here.  We don’t dare step off the driveway.  The ground is saturated enough that - even skinny ‘n scrawny Dwayne sinks about six inches into the muck!

I bombed my kitchen last night.  Getting ready to do it again, too - this morning.

Last night was two recipes related to the word - Toffee.  The house was filled with the scent of toasted pecans and walnuts - and chocolate - and boiling Karo!

But for this morning - I think I’ll try making Ree’s Mocha Brownies.

Who’s Ree?  Ohhhhh…. Ya’ gotta meet her!

She considers herself to be an “Accidental Pioneer Woman.“  Cracks me up every time I think about that.

I just bought her brand new cookbook called
(plant your mouse cursor over THAT!)
and the book is awesome!



Friday, December 18, 2009

Angels in Oak Posts - and Snow for Christmas!

Today will be called ‘made good’ if I manage to make it to the post office before ice develops on the roads.  We are due for a winter storm and have been forewarned to stock supplies and prepare to hunker down.  And we’re not even getting the worst of it.  Looks like we will be having snow for Christmas.  We’re due for two doses before Christmas day arrives.

http://www.wbir.com/weather/radar/local/default.aspx

And the one thing I’m relieved about at the moment is the fact that my need to retreat worked as I’d hoped.  I did manage to get quite a few things accomplished.  I wasn’t able to get them all done - but most.

For instance - I did manage to get to Foothills Mall in Maryville.  Made a Bee-line to the spot where I’ve been able to find my favorite kiosk during the holidays - a gal selling handmade clay ornaments that could be personalized.  I’ve been collecting one each year for the grandbabies - Jennifer - Zucker - Dwayne and me.

Sadly - Faye was not there this year.

My husband has been very busy since taking vacation time.  A quarter of our basement has been isolated with plastic.  I’ve been given orders - “You’re not allowed!”

All I do know is this.  He has snatched some of the wood from the far side of the barn that has fallen off the piers.  Running it through the planer has shown him that he has come upon solid oak wood that would cost a fortune anywhere!

Lots of noise - lots of sawdust - lots of going back and forth to the tool shed.  And then yesterday brought a bit of a struggle for my hubby - something I don’t like to see.

After searching the Internet and phone books - making all the phone calls possible - followed by driving all over creation - he could not find two 4x4x8 oak posts that he needs - desperately.

He was gone for quite a while.  Upon returning - it just became too much for me to hear my husband tell me that he’d gone as far as dumpster diving out of desperation - and failed.  It was time to do something.

When all else fails - Craigslist!!!!

I got busy with sending a plea out there - to find an Angel.  And within less than a day - have found MANY Angels!!

Sometimes - a phonebook - or - Google can’t help you.  Sometimes - it merely takes knowing the land.  And its people.

There are too many good people living around us - with old barns - or - old sawmills that have been handed down to them from their elders that have passed on.  And without fail - somebody knows somebody!

And at this point - I really don’t care if it takes Dwayne until the end of summer to find the materials needed and finish that Christmas present.

First - I already know I WILL end up with a gift that was made by his very hands - out of the deepest love - for me.

Second - It’s been a very healing experience for me - having my phone ringing off the wall - hearing from so many Angels!

To me - that’s part of the Christmas present.  Kinda like the icing on the sugar cookie!

Friday, December 11, 2009

God Has Taken Monica

I received the following in my email today.



Our dear friends and family...It is with a broken heart that I must let you know that our Moni passed to Heaven this morning between 7 and 7:30am.  I was called to the hospital around 5:25am when all the aggressive treatment they were doing to Moni just wasn't working, and they had trouble keeping a blood pressure up on her.  Moni's body just couldn't take any more and with numerous drugs, blood, plasma and loving care by our dear Dr. Laurie Kilkenny and the staff of UPMC Mercy, Jesus came to get Moni and take her HOME.  I was holding Moni's hand and with her when her time here was over.  Our dear friend and sister, Ellen was right next to me along with Dr. Kilkenny.  It seemed to be a VERY PEACEFUL and Loving transfer from this Earth to the pearly gates and we are sure that Moni is laughing and seeing and running around with our Mom and Dad, Grandparents and all her friends.  The funny thing is that a few minutes after Moni was gone, the sun came out and has been out brightly along with blue skies all day.  We were supposed to have snow flurries and clouds, but we think God wanted to bring Moni HOME in her favorite thing...SUNSHINE!!!

I am waiting to hear from the funeral home to make arrangements, but wanted to let you know that Moni is going to be cremated with no visitation or service at this time.  I am planning that maybe down the road I will try to arrange a memorial service for Moni and for our Mom and Dad.  There will also be a request for no flowers for Moni since she didn't want any money spent on them and as much as we love flowers, were both allergic!  All I ask is that you continue to pray that Moni made/makes a peaceful transfer to be with her Lord and that she can now rest in peace and watch over all of us from up above.  As I've said in the past, I have been HONORED to be the one to care for my "Skippy" and I thank the Lord above for allowing me to be with her 24/7 for the last 10+ years!  Don't worry about me, I am just fine and so happy that Moni doesn't have to be in pain, or encumbered in bed anymore!  SHE IS and ALWAYS will be MY HERO!!!!!!!!  Thank you for all the love, prayers and friendship we have been BLESSED to get from you all.
May God Bless You now and always!  Love and Huge Hugs, Heidi
P.S.  I'm sorry that I couldn't call some of you personally, but I just need to try and have some time to myself to regenerate and I didn't have enough cell phone minutes to call.  I ask you to PLEASE NEVER FORGET what a wonderful woman my sister/friend Monica was!  Thank You!!

If anybody ever deserved to get out of bed - and have the joy of walking into a stadium to watch a baseball game on any given day …
Monica was the one - right along with her sister.


Monica                        Heidi

Sweetie... I hope and pray you're finally in a place much better and more joyful than what Planet Hell has been for you and your sister.

You were a wonderful friend.
And you will be forever loved and missed.



Following Doctor's Orders...

Okay - I’m done with winter.

For those of you that don’t pay attention - we have ten more days before the season officially begins.  And we had another morning rising with the temperatures in the teens.

Tried making some banana pudding last night.  Used a recipe belonging to the Neely’s down in Memphis.  Yeah - looks like something went haywire.  I’ve never had pudding from scratch flunk out on me.  The only thing different in the recipe was the usage of 2 cans of Pet evaporated milk and less flour than normally found in the bulk of recipes.  And rich - ack.  I just may be making a trip to pick up more bananas and Vanilla wafers.  I think I’ll stick with the recipe on the box of wafers.

It’s Jennifer’s birthday today.  She’s now 23.  I remember when Britni and Treavor turned 23.

I watched Diane Sawyer’s last morning on GMA this morning.  Two pivotal moments just yanked my heart.  The loyal trip she made beside a bud - when Robin (Roberts) was diagnosed with Cancer.  The reflections on that were absolutely awesome!

But the tears broke loose when twenty-five children stepped out into the studio with their mothers.  They were the babies born after September 11, 2001 - all belonging to parents that perished in the attacks.

Remember when Diane did the photo layout with all the babies and their mothers?

Oh, how they’ve all grown.  Oh, what a panoramic view of how time flies.

Tiger Woods - ain’t he just so special!  Actually - I find him to be one more on a list that seems to be hatching a new trend.  Throughout history - any woman sleeps with more than one man and she’s labeled - slut - whore - pig - trash - skank - sleaze - etc.

Here lately - a list comes to light and keeps building with so-called - *cough* - men - with big names and annual financial values carrying a minimum of six digits.  They’re all sleeping with more than one woman.  And now they wanna give it a name - “ Sex Addiction. “  Pay attention to the fact that I said they wanna give - it - a name.  By all means - that must be done to make - it - sound serious enough to simply - require - somebody else to cure - it - absolutely!

Let us all stand up and applaud our country.

It continues to follow the footsteps of our fore-fathers by pursuing a much better land to live as the free and the brave - with integrity and self-respect!

Honestly - truthfully - George Washington - Abraham Lincoln - and Martin Luther King, Jr. really would be so proud - indeed.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Christmas? It's Down in The Basement.

They say the Knoxville area woke up to temps in the 20’s.  There is about a 4-degree variance here in our area.  That puts us in the ‘teens’ for this morning.

Yesterday was wild.  Waking up to see the sunshine was a surprise after a night loaded with intense rain and winds.  But the winds refused to move on up the road.  Our power went out around 10:30am.  By then - we decided to head to Madisonville and stock up on supplies.

By the time we climbed into the pickup - it was discovered that we had locked all the doors to the house without one of us grabbing house keys.  Thank God for garage door remotes - even those with dead batteries.  Just one more thing for the list of supplies needed.

Had a doctor’s appointment on Monday.  I guess it will take time getting used to having a doctor that actually believes in healing.  He refused to give me anti-depressants.  My blood-work came back showing no reason for such meds.  And I guess he decided it was time to inform me that none of my blood work-ups - ordered by him - have ever come back showing any slightest ‘brain chemical imbalance’.  In essence - he agreed that I have been dealt with - by professionals in my past - by having a pill thrown at me to get me out the door - left to deal with something that no pill can fix.

I do not suffer from depression.  I am no mental case.  I do not have bi-polar tendencies (that one would be for the benefit of three particular grown children - who seem to relish in behaving as children).  I merely need to attend counseling for adjustment disorder - brought on by being stuck in the middle of too many situations - catering to everyone else - and putting myself on the very bottom of the list.

In other words - having too much on my plate and being kicked while I’m down.

Actually - my grown children and ex-husband are a huge part of the problem. 

Beyond that - My husband’s job comes first.  I’m living out in the boonies and only leave the house to go grocery shopping - mostly to extend whatever life may be left in my putt-putt that I refuse to part with because we cannot afford a car note.

This house is never visited by friends or family on a regular basis.

The holidays are the worst - and the loneliest.  Have been that way since moving up here in 2001.

Just like this year - for example.

We cannot go home for the holidays because Dwayne has to work December 26th.  There is no time for us to go down to Texas and wear ourselves out having to go from county to county - town to town - and house to house - visiting everyone else on my side of the family - because they really feel no need to meet us halfway by having any get-together in one place to visit with us after doing our own part of traveling 1700 miles to be with them.


That simply adds up to only one fact that makes sense - they really couldn’t care less about seeing us - at all.

So - why bother?

Dwayne's mother and stepfather are wonderful about letting us stay with them when we go back home for various reasons.  But they live in The Woodlands - in Spring.  All my family and friends live down in Galveston County - almost a 2 hour drive just to get down there.  To cut down on that driving - we'd have to get a hotel room down in Galveston County.  There's just nowhere to stay down there.  Nobody has room.

I did not decorate for Thanksgiving.  I did not cook for Thanksgiving.

The Christmas decorations and the tree are still packed down in the Basement.

I have not been out to do any Christmas shopping.

I haven’t even looked at any of my holiday recipes for Christmas baking - or any Christmas dinner.  Dwayne did manage to get me to load up on ingredients for doing some Christmas baking for the two of us while we were at Wal-Mart yesterday.

All I care to say about that right now is - "The crap's all stacked there in the cabinet.  Have at it."

Far cry from the girl who was so pushy about making the popcorn and stringing the popcorn and fresh cranberries for a garland that just had to be put on the Christmas tree.

For now - next thing on my list is to get the laundry done and get my first counseling appointment scheduled.

I hope the counseling sessions will help me sort all this out so I can breathe and move on with a freshness in my life.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Down Came The Wall!

Casey came over this evening and helped us get the big beam set into place.  Here is the before and after view of things - at the moment.


(Click on photos for larger view)

 Before -


 

 

After -


 

 

 

We have much more work to do.  But this is a huge change!

Saturday, December 5, 2009

First Snow for 2009 - Arrival 'Bout Par

And so it goes - the sight of daybreak here in East Tennessee.



The snow continues to fall and has already doubled.  Mike promises all should be finished passing over by noon - or so.

And once again - I forget to empty the bird bath and rest it sideways on its post.



No need to rush.  I’ll sit tight and wait before heading off to Food Lyon.

For now - the coffee is hot - and snow makes the oatmeal taste even better.

And life should become more tolerable for me - come Monday morning.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Happy Birthday, Daddy - I Miss You

Today is December 3, 2009.  I say that more for myself.  Don’t take it personally - I’m having to write everything down these days.  Today holds only one item on a count of many slashings that my heart is taking at this time.

Anyway - as always - I have to clarify from the beginning - I was raised by my step-father from the time I was 16 months old.  I was never able/allowed to have any kind of relationship with my birth father until I was already 30 years old.  That’s when both - my mother and birth father reunited and remarried.

My step-father died just after I turned 20 years old.  But he was the one that raised me for the majority of my life.  The impression made on me all those years has put me in an awkward position with some folks.  It’s a very uncomfortable place to be.  But the truth remains.  And my best possible way I’ve managed to find for explaining my descriptions for both men are this.  I refer to my stepfather as my “Daddy”.  And I refer to my birth father as my “father”.

Kinda like the way we all call our earthly fathers Daddy - and refer to God as our Father…. I guess.  I dunno.

Anyway - today would have been my Daddy’s 71st Birthday.  These birthdays are never easy for me - not since his passing.  Time will soon be coming to mark the 30th anniversary of his death.  And yet - it still feels like it only happened yesterday.  Inside - I still feel like that 20 year old that was in no way near ready enough to lose her daddy.

It’s so mind-blowing for me to even consider he would be turning 71 years old today.  First thing that crosses my mind is remembering my Grandma Casteel being that same age.  I cannot even imagine what my daddy look like today.  Combined - both thoughts simply intrigue me.

Oddly enough - the only picture I have of my Daddy is kept in my mind.  I dunno.  I guess all the pictures went to everyone else when all his belongings were spread out amongst family - and such.  I never wanted any of his belongings.  In fact - my Grandma Casteel had to call me several times and beg me to come to the house.  It was important to her - that “the kids get to have what they want of his, first.”  I’ve never been much of a materialistic kind of person.  And I remember looking at all his belongings.  I remember the emotion I could feel inside - like it was locked up in a cell and banging on the bars to be set free.  It was anger.

No - I never wanted any of his belongings.  I wanted my Daddy.  And I could feel that any of those belongings would only give me anger - not what I wanted - and really needed.

But - I do have something that I have been able to hold on to since the day he was taken from us.  My Daddy LOVED Willie Nelson.  Willie stood right next to Merle Haggard - B.B. King - Bobby ‘Blue’ Bland - The Righteous Brothers.  I can remember him teaching me to dance to the music by  B.B. King and Bobby ‘Blue’ Bland - standing on his feet when I was only 6 years old - in the living room on Kingston Drive in Texas City!

Today - I tell people - “Some of my best times spent with my Daddy were in the bathroom!”  I dunno - it’s funny to sit and watch the strange looks on their faces show up.  Makes me laugh.  And I can just hear my Daddy laugh about that!

That man spent more time primping in a bathroom - ten times more than any teenage girl.  And he didn’t just fix his hair and shave.  He sculpted.  It all had to be perfect - not one hair out of place - not one uneven line in that beard and goatee.  He always had me roll his sleeves up on his dress shirts - said I always did it just the way he liked them to be cuffed - about two inches from the top of his hands.

And all this - just to go out and get drunk - which led to going to jail on many occasions.  If he were a coin - this would be the backside of him that would break hearts of everyone that ever knew him.  Cold sober - the man would give you the shirt off his back.  Beer number 3 - and he’d forget all about being only 5’ 4” and 138lbs.

But our times in the bathroom included my joy received from sittin’ on the toilet - listening to him sing while he shaved and - sculpted - his vain self!  Oh, how he could sing!

About that thing I’ve always held on to for keeping him with me -  I guess you could say there’s two things.

Those who knew my Daddy would probably agree with me on this one.  When I look deeply into the face of Willie Nelson - watch his facial expressions - the way he moves - I feel like I’m looking at my Daddy.  Minus the long hair - those two could pass as twins.  It’s a bit freaky.

And then - there’s one particular song that I have always held on to - my special message to my Daddy.

And it goes just like - this.




Happy Birthday, Daddy.  I love you.
I sure do need you right now.
And I sure do miss you.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Chilly Weather... Damp Wood... Warm Folks

Woke up this morning to beautiful sunshine and - ice!

Oh, yes.  And actually - the temps 'jumped' up to 30* once the sun came out.

Thank God - I remembered that we needed to plug in the truck!  And fog came stomping through as soon as the sun rose above the treetops.  It's been a day for filling up a pot to brew some good ole' homemade soup!!

Dwayne had breakfast and headed over to one of the sawmills he located on www.whitepages.com.  He decided to go ahead and pick up two posts - rather than only one - so they'd look alike.  God knows - we can always find something to do with posts around here.  Anyway - the trip turned out to be like a Rockwell scene.

First thing anyone said when he walked inside was, "Care ta' have some lunch with us?"

Old building - old - really old equipment - folks gathered around an old table and sittin' on whatever's flat enough to sit upon and in sight - having homemade sandwiches and sides!  And the first thing on their mind when a first-time customer walks inside is - sharing their lunch with a newcomer.

THAT is what we love about living in East Tennessee more than anything else!  Dwayne wasn't hungry - turned it down - but thanked them just as much as if he had gone ahead and taken 'em up on their offer.

And among the need for sharing all those details with me after he got back home - he made me go out and look at the posts.  "They've got some really, really old equipment.  But they must have one really good saw.  Look how square and straight those things are!"

It was a great experience for Dwayne!  Good people doing fair business with their customers.  He would have paid at least thirty-percent more for lesser quality - had he gone to one of the chains.  In times like these - we'd rather do business with all our local folks.

So - here he is - out on the back porch putting the sander to the posts.  They won't be sanded down completely smooth.  He's leaving a little there for character.


(click on the photo for a larger view)

I hope it makes him think about the folks at that sawmill every time he looks at them inside the house.

I think it'll make him smile - quite often!

Saturday, December 26, 2009

*Sigh...* What a Wonderful Day It Was!

If I had remembered to retrieve my charger from the guest bedroom last night - I could have shown you my breakfast for this morning.

It was sinful.  It was homemade pumpkin custard pie - with a pile of whipped cream - from the carton of heavy whipping cream - that I whipped myself.

And it was absolutely delicious!  Went very well with my coffee.

My defense - I never had to turn on one single stove burner.  I was being cost efficient!  Alright - go ahead and call me a tree-hugger.  If you must.

Actually - I’d rather save the power for the heaters in the house.  Baby - it’s cold outside!  Took Zucker out this morning to do his daily routine and found frost standing on top of frost!

I dunno - the ground was too cold?

Anyway - I also found the Cummins Diesel in our Dodge Ram 4x4 - ahem - not plugged into the outside receptacle.  Grrrrr………   The layer of ice and mud had that poor baby fitting in with any filthy dog ever found.  Time for the toy to be taken to the car wash!

Rewind back to Christmas Day.

Our dinner was just wonderful!  Very small and intimate.  We had baked Turkey Breast - Lima Beans - Ree’s recipe for twice-baked potatoes (minus the skins and tossed into a casserole dish) - my special recipe for Holiday Mashed Butternut Squash - homemade pumpkin custard pie - and 2007 Tennessee Red Muscadine wine from Tennessee Valley Winery!

Red wine - with turkey?

I love being a rebel when it comes to food.  I drink what I like!  I can do that.  I’m over the age of 40 - and I can do as I darn well please!

Friday, December 25, 2009

Look at My Gorgeous Christmas Present !!!

Good morning and Merry Christmas, everyone!

I just have to share photos of the Christmas present my husband made for me this year!!!

Now - he did not get to finish - yet.  But you'll see why in the photos!


 



My husband made my Mission-style Farm Table for our Dining Room!  He made this by hand - with reclaimed lumber - from our old tobacco barn that has been on our property and was built June, 1920.

The table as is - stands 5' long.  The two slots you see on the end of the table will hold two arms that will support a leaf.  This is done on both ends.  The table will extend out to 8' long with the two leafs.


Guess where the two leafs will be stored!


See the two pegs/handles on each end?  They slide toward the inside.  He carved them by hand.  They slide into the legs for securing that door... yes... it's a door!


The door falls down to expose this pocket under the table top - storage area for the two leafs!  How cool is that!


Isn't it gorgeous!

You cannot find solid oak lumber from trees cut fresh today that have all the incredible character embedded.  The worm knots - the burl - the natural cracks and crannies.  It's absolutely gorgeous!

By this morning the table was still waiting for drying before another coat of sealant goes on.  The two leafs will be made next.
After that - you should see the two Captain's Chairs and the four side chairs that Dwayne will be making to go with the set!

He was so upset because it wasn't ready for Christmas Day.  I told him - about a week ago - that it didn't matter if it took him another three months to make whatever it was that he was making me.  What mattered most was that he was making it with his own hands - and it was coming from a historical piece of this property that we now own.

He wanted it ready for this Christmas so we'd be able to enjoy our Christmas dinner on it this year.  LOL

I told him that the way I see things is - now he's got until next Christmas to make all the chairs so we can enjoy having dinner on it NEXT Christmas!

And maybe - just maybe - all those chairs will have a butt warming them up when dinner is served!



Thursday, December 24, 2009

Merry Christmas to Everyone!

So I go to get into my putt-putt yesterday. Had a few items to pick up at the grocery store. And then I needed to take that report to the Postmaster at our local Post Office.

I stop at the end of the driveway to check the mail. Guess what I find in the mailbox.



I’ll be taking it up to the Post Office on Monday - to open in front of the Postmaster - for a specific reason.

Their website tracking report shows it was delivered to our house on December 14th.

It’s stamped by the Loudon Post Office claiming to have arrived there on December 19th.

I find it in my mailbox on December 22nd.

Anyways - I’ll get to send it off to Gran-Girl and she’ll get to wear it - afterall!!

Dwayne and I are having a very quiet - intimate Christmas this year.

Well - minus all the constant noise coming through the floor from saws and electric nail guns keeping Dwayne busy down in the basement - making my Christmas present! I’m getting excited!

With no hoopla set with a bunch of company coming and such - we decided to go ahead and keep things simple. We put up the little tree this year.



Don’t get me wrong. I LOVE our big tree! But it can be a bit overwhelming - when there’s only one of you to get it decorated.



Instead - my time was freed up for making more treats for this year!

On behalf of Hubby - me - Zucker - and Spinner….

We want to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas day full of wonderful blessings!

We hope everyone will keep in mind…. The Reason for The Season!

Don’t forget… Sing the Happy Birthday song for Jesus!!!!

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

The Depths in the Planes of Love

My poor husband.  I love him so much.

He has spent almost every free moment down in the basement over the past week - building my Christmas present.  Most of the time - he hasn’t given up for the day until around midnight.

It takes hours to plane down one of those long boards - from an old 1920 tobacco barn.


Just when he begins feeling like he’s making progress - he grabs the wrong board - to cut in half.

To be here and witness his efforts throughout this entire process - is to know that just the thought of laughing at him would be totally cruel.

I have no doubt - even some of those male coworkers would get quiet for a while - prolly head out to the back porch - light up a cigarette - and wipe a tear away - as soon as they made sure nobody was looking.

I will - without a doubt - find a way to save that gorgeous piece of lumber.

I love him as much as he is showing his love to me right now - even more.

I refuse to let any of his efforts go down the drain in vain.  The hardest part will be - simply - trying to make up my mind.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Stolen from Grand-Girl... from Our Mailbox

I had to go visit our local Postmaster - yesterday.  I’m having to return a completed complaint form this afternoon.

Seems we have a little problem occurring in our area.  Somebody is stealing packages and other items on our mail route.

Breaks my heart.  I was a little excited over the idea of my yard varmint sending me pics of  Grand-girl wearing one particular - really cute - bright pink cardigan sweater.



This is the Radio Flyer Tricycle we sent Trinity this year for her birthday!  That shade of Pink looks cool on her - huh!

Glad we shipped it right to her house.

That little cardigan sweater was pink.  It was a pretty pink - and something “un-camo” that she could wear on a chilly day.  Daddy only buys Camo - John Deere - Ducks Unlimited!



I won it on eBay for her.  It was brand new - coming from Louisiana.



Yeah - I know.  Texas is right next door to Louisiana.  So - why buy a sweater and have it come all the way to Tennessee - just to send it all the way back to - Texas?

‘Cuz it was for Grand-Girl.  I don’t ever get to enjoy time with her.  We live so far away from each other.

It’s not about the price I paid for having something come to my house before sending it all the way back in the direction from whence it came - and then some.



I wanted to - at least - have some fun wrapping it up in pretty gift wrap - with ribbon and a bow - and putting it in the bigger box that I ended up having to send without it.

Visions of her little hands tearing into that ribbon and gift wrapping paper - stolen from me.

Pics of her wearing that sweater on a chilly day - stolen from me.

Something warm and cozy that Meemaw Treesie had held in her arms for a moment before wrapping it up  - which would travel all the way to Grand-Girl and carry a hug for her - to feel every time she would wear it….

Stolen from Grand-Girl.



Bet I know what would be on Daddy's mind if he were here when all this came down.

Same thing that's on PawPaw D-Wayne's mind....   ;)

Monday, December 21, 2009

Chocolate - Trains - and - Wine!

I haven’t gotten around to making Ree’s Mocha Brownies - yet.

To begin with - Dwayne’s already accusing me of trying to overdose him on chocolate.

But - I no sooner popped my previous posting here when Hubby decided it was time to remind me of a wish I had made.

I wanted to go to the Holiday Express at the University of Tennessee Gardens! And we were having a Saturday when Dwayne was actually home - for a change!!

I just LOVE huge rooms loaded with old - 1930’s atmosphere - in miniature action! Model trains and country settings! Draw bridges and covered bridges - waterfalls and creeks - shacks and houses - log mills and general stores - and Christmas lights that twinkle! We found Granny hiding and working - at her secret Moonshine Still! Oh - and I made sure to get a shot of that bar right near the Depot - with all the “Daisies” flirtin’ on the porch to tempt gents coming off the trains! And that train whistle - that was so cool!

What turned out to be not so cool - I had to take my Minolta 35mm film camera. My little Kodak digital was too ill to make the trip. And the rain kept us from being able to take a stroll through the gardens outside. Could have been our first winter stroll through one of my most favorite places in Knoxville!

I promise - pictures coming!

But it was way too soon to go home after all that fun. And we were hungry - of course. And we actually caved to one of our most sickening weaknesses - Popeye’s!

I do all I can to boycott every fast-food joint in this country anymore - for health, economic and employment reasons. But this joint was a recent discovery of ours that - just happens to be so close to our house! Well - okay - so - as far as we’re concerned - it’s close. And it takes both of us back home - in our hearts - back in the days when everything was legit and for most of all the right reasons.

Anyway - Dwayne’s reminder of it being Saturday was still lingering in my mind. And we were still on Hwy. 75. And it’s Christmas time. And - it was time to insist on one more stop before pulling into the driveway.

Tennessee Valley Winery.

Oh, gosh - yes! And we had fun! And we brought wine home - of course!

And I think I’ve found my new - favorite!

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Sniff... Sniff... Toasted Pecans!

Well… we didn’t get any snow at this house!  Not one single flake.

But you should see what all the rain has done around here.  We don’t dare step off the driveway.  The ground is saturated enough that - even skinny ‘n scrawny Dwayne sinks about six inches into the muck!

I bombed my kitchen last night.  Getting ready to do it again, too - this morning.

Last night was two recipes related to the word - Toffee.  The house was filled with the scent of toasted pecans and walnuts - and chocolate - and boiling Karo!

But for this morning - I think I’ll try making Ree’s Mocha Brownies.

Who’s Ree?  Ohhhhh…. Ya’ gotta meet her!

She considers herself to be an “Accidental Pioneer Woman.“  Cracks me up every time I think about that.

I just bought her brand new cookbook called
(plant your mouse cursor over THAT!)
and the book is awesome!



Friday, December 18, 2009

Angels in Oak Posts - and Snow for Christmas!

Today will be called ‘made good’ if I manage to make it to the post office before ice develops on the roads.  We are due for a winter storm and have been forewarned to stock supplies and prepare to hunker down.  And we’re not even getting the worst of it.  Looks like we will be having snow for Christmas.  We’re due for two doses before Christmas day arrives.

http://www.wbir.com/weather/radar/local/default.aspx

And the one thing I’m relieved about at the moment is the fact that my need to retreat worked as I’d hoped.  I did manage to get quite a few things accomplished.  I wasn’t able to get them all done - but most.

For instance - I did manage to get to Foothills Mall in Maryville.  Made a Bee-line to the spot where I’ve been able to find my favorite kiosk during the holidays - a gal selling handmade clay ornaments that could be personalized.  I’ve been collecting one each year for the grandbabies - Jennifer - Zucker - Dwayne and me.

Sadly - Faye was not there this year.

My husband has been very busy since taking vacation time.  A quarter of our basement has been isolated with plastic.  I’ve been given orders - “You’re not allowed!”

All I do know is this.  He has snatched some of the wood from the far side of the barn that has fallen off the piers.  Running it through the planer has shown him that he has come upon solid oak wood that would cost a fortune anywhere!

Lots of noise - lots of sawdust - lots of going back and forth to the tool shed.  And then yesterday brought a bit of a struggle for my hubby - something I don’t like to see.

After searching the Internet and phone books - making all the phone calls possible - followed by driving all over creation - he could not find two 4x4x8 oak posts that he needs - desperately.

He was gone for quite a while.  Upon returning - it just became too much for me to hear my husband tell me that he’d gone as far as dumpster diving out of desperation - and failed.  It was time to do something.

When all else fails - Craigslist!!!!

I got busy with sending a plea out there - to find an Angel.  And within less than a day - have found MANY Angels!!

Sometimes - a phonebook - or - Google can’t help you.  Sometimes - it merely takes knowing the land.  And its people.

There are too many good people living around us - with old barns - or - old sawmills that have been handed down to them from their elders that have passed on.  And without fail - somebody knows somebody!

And at this point - I really don’t care if it takes Dwayne until the end of summer to find the materials needed and finish that Christmas present.

First - I already know I WILL end up with a gift that was made by his very hands - out of the deepest love - for me.

Second - It’s been a very healing experience for me - having my phone ringing off the wall - hearing from so many Angels!

To me - that’s part of the Christmas present.  Kinda like the icing on the sugar cookie!

Friday, December 11, 2009

God Has Taken Monica

I received the following in my email today.



Our dear friends and family...It is with a broken heart that I must let you know that our Moni passed to Heaven this morning between 7 and 7:30am.  I was called to the hospital around 5:25am when all the aggressive treatment they were doing to Moni just wasn't working, and they had trouble keeping a blood pressure up on her.  Moni's body just couldn't take any more and with numerous drugs, blood, plasma and loving care by our dear Dr. Laurie Kilkenny and the staff of UPMC Mercy, Jesus came to get Moni and take her HOME.  I was holding Moni's hand and with her when her time here was over.  Our dear friend and sister, Ellen was right next to me along with Dr. Kilkenny.  It seemed to be a VERY PEACEFUL and Loving transfer from this Earth to the pearly gates and we are sure that Moni is laughing and seeing and running around with our Mom and Dad, Grandparents and all her friends.  The funny thing is that a few minutes after Moni was gone, the sun came out and has been out brightly along with blue skies all day.  We were supposed to have snow flurries and clouds, but we think God wanted to bring Moni HOME in her favorite thing...SUNSHINE!!!

I am waiting to hear from the funeral home to make arrangements, but wanted to let you know that Moni is going to be cremated with no visitation or service at this time.  I am planning that maybe down the road I will try to arrange a memorial service for Moni and for our Mom and Dad.  There will also be a request for no flowers for Moni since she didn't want any money spent on them and as much as we love flowers, were both allergic!  All I ask is that you continue to pray that Moni made/makes a peaceful transfer to be with her Lord and that she can now rest in peace and watch over all of us from up above.  As I've said in the past, I have been HONORED to be the one to care for my "Skippy" and I thank the Lord above for allowing me to be with her 24/7 for the last 10+ years!  Don't worry about me, I am just fine and so happy that Moni doesn't have to be in pain, or encumbered in bed anymore!  SHE IS and ALWAYS will be MY HERO!!!!!!!!  Thank you for all the love, prayers and friendship we have been BLESSED to get from you all.
May God Bless You now and always!  Love and Huge Hugs, Heidi
P.S.  I'm sorry that I couldn't call some of you personally, but I just need to try and have some time to myself to regenerate and I didn't have enough cell phone minutes to call.  I ask you to PLEASE NEVER FORGET what a wonderful woman my sister/friend Monica was!  Thank You!!

If anybody ever deserved to get out of bed - and have the joy of walking into a stadium to watch a baseball game on any given day …
Monica was the one - right along with her sister.


Monica                        Heidi

Sweetie... I hope and pray you're finally in a place much better and more joyful than what Planet Hell has been for you and your sister.

You were a wonderful friend.
And you will be forever loved and missed.



Following Doctor's Orders...

Okay - I’m done with winter.

For those of you that don’t pay attention - we have ten more days before the season officially begins.  And we had another morning rising with the temperatures in the teens.

Tried making some banana pudding last night.  Used a recipe belonging to the Neely’s down in Memphis.  Yeah - looks like something went haywire.  I’ve never had pudding from scratch flunk out on me.  The only thing different in the recipe was the usage of 2 cans of Pet evaporated milk and less flour than normally found in the bulk of recipes.  And rich - ack.  I just may be making a trip to pick up more bananas and Vanilla wafers.  I think I’ll stick with the recipe on the box of wafers.

It’s Jennifer’s birthday today.  She’s now 23.  I remember when Britni and Treavor turned 23.

I watched Diane Sawyer’s last morning on GMA this morning.  Two pivotal moments just yanked my heart.  The loyal trip she made beside a bud - when Robin (Roberts) was diagnosed with Cancer.  The reflections on that were absolutely awesome!

But the tears broke loose when twenty-five children stepped out into the studio with their mothers.  They were the babies born after September 11, 2001 - all belonging to parents that perished in the attacks.

Remember when Diane did the photo layout with all the babies and their mothers?

Oh, how they’ve all grown.  Oh, what a panoramic view of how time flies.

Tiger Woods - ain’t he just so special!  Actually - I find him to be one more on a list that seems to be hatching a new trend.  Throughout history - any woman sleeps with more than one man and she’s labeled - slut - whore - pig - trash - skank - sleaze - etc.

Here lately - a list comes to light and keeps building with so-called - *cough* - men - with big names and annual financial values carrying a minimum of six digits.  They’re all sleeping with more than one woman.  And now they wanna give it a name - “ Sex Addiction. “  Pay attention to the fact that I said they wanna give - it - a name.  By all means - that must be done to make - it - sound serious enough to simply - require - somebody else to cure - it - absolutely!

Let us all stand up and applaud our country.

It continues to follow the footsteps of our fore-fathers by pursuing a much better land to live as the free and the brave - with integrity and self-respect!

Honestly - truthfully - George Washington - Abraham Lincoln - and Martin Luther King, Jr. really would be so proud - indeed.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Christmas? It's Down in The Basement.

They say the Knoxville area woke up to temps in the 20’s.  There is about a 4-degree variance here in our area.  That puts us in the ‘teens’ for this morning.

Yesterday was wild.  Waking up to see the sunshine was a surprise after a night loaded with intense rain and winds.  But the winds refused to move on up the road.  Our power went out around 10:30am.  By then - we decided to head to Madisonville and stock up on supplies.

By the time we climbed into the pickup - it was discovered that we had locked all the doors to the house without one of us grabbing house keys.  Thank God for garage door remotes - even those with dead batteries.  Just one more thing for the list of supplies needed.

Had a doctor’s appointment on Monday.  I guess it will take time getting used to having a doctor that actually believes in healing.  He refused to give me anti-depressants.  My blood-work came back showing no reason for such meds.  And I guess he decided it was time to inform me that none of my blood work-ups - ordered by him - have ever come back showing any slightest ‘brain chemical imbalance’.  In essence - he agreed that I have been dealt with - by professionals in my past - by having a pill thrown at me to get me out the door - left to deal with something that no pill can fix.

I do not suffer from depression.  I am no mental case.  I do not have bi-polar tendencies (that one would be for the benefit of three particular grown children - who seem to relish in behaving as children).  I merely need to attend counseling for adjustment disorder - brought on by being stuck in the middle of too many situations - catering to everyone else - and putting myself on the very bottom of the list.

In other words - having too much on my plate and being kicked while I’m down.

Actually - my grown children and ex-husband are a huge part of the problem. 

Beyond that - My husband’s job comes first.  I’m living out in the boonies and only leave the house to go grocery shopping - mostly to extend whatever life may be left in my putt-putt that I refuse to part with because we cannot afford a car note.

This house is never visited by friends or family on a regular basis.

The holidays are the worst - and the loneliest.  Have been that way since moving up here in 2001.

Just like this year - for example.

We cannot go home for the holidays because Dwayne has to work December 26th.  There is no time for us to go down to Texas and wear ourselves out having to go from county to county - town to town - and house to house - visiting everyone else on my side of the family - because they really feel no need to meet us halfway by having any get-together in one place to visit with us after doing our own part of traveling 1700 miles to be with them.


That simply adds up to only one fact that makes sense - they really couldn’t care less about seeing us - at all.

So - why bother?

Dwayne's mother and stepfather are wonderful about letting us stay with them when we go back home for various reasons.  But they live in The Woodlands - in Spring.  All my family and friends live down in Galveston County - almost a 2 hour drive just to get down there.  To cut down on that driving - we'd have to get a hotel room down in Galveston County.  There's just nowhere to stay down there.  Nobody has room.

I did not decorate for Thanksgiving.  I did not cook for Thanksgiving.

The Christmas decorations and the tree are still packed down in the Basement.

I have not been out to do any Christmas shopping.

I haven’t even looked at any of my holiday recipes for Christmas baking - or any Christmas dinner.  Dwayne did manage to get me to load up on ingredients for doing some Christmas baking for the two of us while we were at Wal-Mart yesterday.

All I care to say about that right now is - "The crap's all stacked there in the cabinet.  Have at it."

Far cry from the girl who was so pushy about making the popcorn and stringing the popcorn and fresh cranberries for a garland that just had to be put on the Christmas tree.

For now - next thing on my list is to get the laundry done and get my first counseling appointment scheduled.

I hope the counseling sessions will help me sort all this out so I can breathe and move on with a freshness in my life.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Down Came The Wall!

Casey came over this evening and helped us get the big beam set into place.  Here is the before and after view of things - at the moment.


(Click on photos for larger view)

 Before -


 

 

After -


 

 

 

We have much more work to do.  But this is a huge change!

Saturday, December 5, 2009

First Snow for 2009 - Arrival 'Bout Par

And so it goes - the sight of daybreak here in East Tennessee.



The snow continues to fall and has already doubled.  Mike promises all should be finished passing over by noon - or so.

And once again - I forget to empty the bird bath and rest it sideways on its post.



No need to rush.  I’ll sit tight and wait before heading off to Food Lyon.

For now - the coffee is hot - and snow makes the oatmeal taste even better.

And life should become more tolerable for me - come Monday morning.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Happy Birthday, Daddy - I Miss You

Today is December 3, 2009.  I say that more for myself.  Don’t take it personally - I’m having to write everything down these days.  Today holds only one item on a count of many slashings that my heart is taking at this time.

Anyway - as always - I have to clarify from the beginning - I was raised by my step-father from the time I was 16 months old.  I was never able/allowed to have any kind of relationship with my birth father until I was already 30 years old.  That’s when both - my mother and birth father reunited and remarried.

My step-father died just after I turned 20 years old.  But he was the one that raised me for the majority of my life.  The impression made on me all those years has put me in an awkward position with some folks.  It’s a very uncomfortable place to be.  But the truth remains.  And my best possible way I’ve managed to find for explaining my descriptions for both men are this.  I refer to my stepfather as my “Daddy”.  And I refer to my birth father as my “father”.

Kinda like the way we all call our earthly fathers Daddy - and refer to God as our Father…. I guess.  I dunno.

Anyway - today would have been my Daddy’s 71st Birthday.  These birthdays are never easy for me - not since his passing.  Time will soon be coming to mark the 30th anniversary of his death.  And yet - it still feels like it only happened yesterday.  Inside - I still feel like that 20 year old that was in no way near ready enough to lose her daddy.

It’s so mind-blowing for me to even consider he would be turning 71 years old today.  First thing that crosses my mind is remembering my Grandma Casteel being that same age.  I cannot even imagine what my daddy look like today.  Combined - both thoughts simply intrigue me.

Oddly enough - the only picture I have of my Daddy is kept in my mind.  I dunno.  I guess all the pictures went to everyone else when all his belongings were spread out amongst family - and such.  I never wanted any of his belongings.  In fact - my Grandma Casteel had to call me several times and beg me to come to the house.  It was important to her - that “the kids get to have what they want of his, first.”  I’ve never been much of a materialistic kind of person.  And I remember looking at all his belongings.  I remember the emotion I could feel inside - like it was locked up in a cell and banging on the bars to be set free.  It was anger.

No - I never wanted any of his belongings.  I wanted my Daddy.  And I could feel that any of those belongings would only give me anger - not what I wanted - and really needed.

But - I do have something that I have been able to hold on to since the day he was taken from us.  My Daddy LOVED Willie Nelson.  Willie stood right next to Merle Haggard - B.B. King - Bobby ‘Blue’ Bland - The Righteous Brothers.  I can remember him teaching me to dance to the music by  B.B. King and Bobby ‘Blue’ Bland - standing on his feet when I was only 6 years old - in the living room on Kingston Drive in Texas City!

Today - I tell people - “Some of my best times spent with my Daddy were in the bathroom!”  I dunno - it’s funny to sit and watch the strange looks on their faces show up.  Makes me laugh.  And I can just hear my Daddy laugh about that!

That man spent more time primping in a bathroom - ten times more than any teenage girl.  And he didn’t just fix his hair and shave.  He sculpted.  It all had to be perfect - not one hair out of place - not one uneven line in that beard and goatee.  He always had me roll his sleeves up on his dress shirts - said I always did it just the way he liked them to be cuffed - about two inches from the top of his hands.

And all this - just to go out and get drunk - which led to going to jail on many occasions.  If he were a coin - this would be the backside of him that would break hearts of everyone that ever knew him.  Cold sober - the man would give you the shirt off his back.  Beer number 3 - and he’d forget all about being only 5’ 4” and 138lbs.

But our times in the bathroom included my joy received from sittin’ on the toilet - listening to him sing while he shaved and - sculpted - his vain self!  Oh, how he could sing!

About that thing I’ve always held on to for keeping him with me -  I guess you could say there’s two things.

Those who knew my Daddy would probably agree with me on this one.  When I look deeply into the face of Willie Nelson - watch his facial expressions - the way he moves - I feel like I’m looking at my Daddy.  Minus the long hair - those two could pass as twins.  It’s a bit freaky.

And then - there’s one particular song that I have always held on to - my special message to my Daddy.

And it goes just like - this.




Happy Birthday, Daddy.  I love you.
I sure do need you right now.
And I sure do miss you.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Chilly Weather... Damp Wood... Warm Folks

Woke up this morning to beautiful sunshine and - ice!

Oh, yes.  And actually - the temps 'jumped' up to 30* once the sun came out.

Thank God - I remembered that we needed to plug in the truck!  And fog came stomping through as soon as the sun rose above the treetops.  It's been a day for filling up a pot to brew some good ole' homemade soup!!

Dwayne had breakfast and headed over to one of the sawmills he located on www.whitepages.com.  He decided to go ahead and pick up two posts - rather than only one - so they'd look alike.  God knows - we can always find something to do with posts around here.  Anyway - the trip turned out to be like a Rockwell scene.

First thing anyone said when he walked inside was, "Care ta' have some lunch with us?"

Old building - old - really old equipment - folks gathered around an old table and sittin' on whatever's flat enough to sit upon and in sight - having homemade sandwiches and sides!  And the first thing on their mind when a first-time customer walks inside is - sharing their lunch with a newcomer.

THAT is what we love about living in East Tennessee more than anything else!  Dwayne wasn't hungry - turned it down - but thanked them just as much as if he had gone ahead and taken 'em up on their offer.

And among the need for sharing all those details with me after he got back home - he made me go out and look at the posts.  "They've got some really, really old equipment.  But they must have one really good saw.  Look how square and straight those things are!"

It was a great experience for Dwayne!  Good people doing fair business with their customers.  He would have paid at least thirty-percent more for lesser quality - had he gone to one of the chains.  In times like these - we'd rather do business with all our local folks.

So - here he is - out on the back porch putting the sander to the posts.  They won't be sanded down completely smooth.  He's leaving a little there for character.


(click on the photo for a larger view)

I hope it makes him think about the folks at that sawmill every time he looks at them inside the house.

I think it'll make him smile - quite often!